savoir vivre
Tableware by La Tuile à Loup in Paris
I have lived in London for quite some time now and consider it my home but every now and again, I am taken back to my multi-cultural roots, growing up in the South of France. Working with differing nationalities with my interior design studio, I am often reminded of both the similarities and the differences between the French and the English and this is never more evident than in the hosting of a dinner party. The French are very particular about the way they wine and dine and as I am eternally intrigued by the cultural mores that both unite and divide nationalities, I thought I might share a few pointers as to how to host the French when entertaining.
Dining Etiquette à la Française
White Porcelain Crockery by Alix D. Reynis
Having recently chanced upon Jacqueline Queneau’s excellent etiquette book, “Savoir Vivre”, it took me straight back to my childhood home and the way we entertain. We French are a little old school when it comes to dining and the first requisite is to understand that for us, a dinner party is more than just eating – it is about celebrating the joy of food and the art of conversation.
White Porcelain Crockery by Alix D. Reynis
French dinner party etiquette has evolved into a veritable fine art form and there is a potential minefield of rules to follow to avoid a social faux pas and risk offending your hosts. The origin of many of these table manners dates back to medieval times and the royal French courts with specific customs that have stood the test of time and are still upheld to this day. So here are my light-hearted do’s and don’ts to ensure you are the perfect French dinner host (or guest), avoiding any cultural pitfalls along the way.
Dressing the Table
When it comes to table settings, lunchtime meals are a little more informal but when it the evening falls, we dress our tables to impress. This is the chance to cover your table with your best linens – tablecloths are de rigueur / heirloom if possible – and to bring out the best china, glassware and candelabra.
Porte-couteaux or cutlery rests should be placed next to the plate. These little gems are very useful parking places for cutlery when you clear the table or change the plates for the next course. No-one ever knows what to do with their cutlery when their plates are taken away so this simple piece of kit is the answer as well as saving said tablecloth from being soiled.
“When evening falls, we dress our tables dress to impress. “
Napkin Protocol
Vintage linens with bespoke monogramming by Liv Casas
Napkins should always be linen with those made of paper frowned upon, being only suitable for either a picnic or an aperitif. For lunch, when your everyday china is used, napkins can be placed on the top of the plate. For dinner however, with the best dinner service in plain view, napkins should be placed to the left-hand side so the plate’s beautiful design is not hidden. Before you ask, never, ever, put the napkin in a glass as you often see in a restaurant. Quelle horreur!
Candlelit to perfection
Candlelight is known to create an atmosphere and to be more flattering to the complexion. Even this however comes with its own set of rules. New unused candles should be used but the wick should be pre-lit before the arrival of your guests to ensure the candles are lit easily when required. The candelabra should also be placed at a higher level than your eye level otherwise instead of complimenting the skin, the flickering light may make your guests look a little haunted, with a touch of the Dracula about them!
Photo: Frieda Therés
Glassware
Hand-crafted wine glasses by Micucci Interiors
When it comes to our glassware, there are definite guidelines.
The French always place two glasses per guest on the table – one for wine and one for water. The water glass is always filled to the top but the wine glass should be only two thirds full. When refilling the water glasses, always do so from either a pitcher or a carafe. Ugly plastic water bottles and juice cartons have no place at a French table.
We are also particular as to the shape of a glass, especially when it comes to champagne. We believe the best shape to go for is a tulip style. Coupes and flutes are not ideal as the former is too narrow and masks the aromas of the champagne and the coupe is too wide so the flavours tend to evaporate. They are also a little awkward to hold too.
Heeding your Hosts
Table linen by Reed Family Linen
The most important people “à table” are the hosts and it is important to make them feel comfortable in their role. The host and hostess should be seated opposite each other whilst the other guests are alternated man woman etc with no husband and wife sitting together.
The dinner party starts only when the hostess sits down and starts to eat – guests should always, always wait for her. When you are seated, the correct way to help yourself to food is to pass the dish to the person on the right – and you help yourself from the left. Children are always served last.
Toasts to the Table
Embroidered Napkins by Reed Family Linen
We don’t tend to clink glasses anymore either – a definite misnomer when it comes to the French. We simply raise our glass and smile, perhaps saying Bonne Santé. This saves our more delicate glasses from breaking from over enthusiastic clinking!
It is believed that the custom of clinking glasses again dates back to medieval times, when you would stare into your neighbour’s eyes to see if they might poison your wine. By clinking your cup violently with your host, the wine contained therein might flow into your neighbour’s glass. If it was indeed poisoned, then your neighbour’s wine would be tainted too. Thankfully, we have moved beyond poisoning our dinner guests today and we don’t really need to test the theory!
Eating etiquette
There are even rules for eating food stuffs. When it comes to a cheese platter, never take the “nose” of the cheese – the tip of the triangle so to speak. Always take your cheese from the side. The tip and centre is always the most delicious so it is polite to simply leave the best part for the other guests. In any event, the hostess should cut into every slice of new cheese on the board so guests don’t feel shy about starting it. You might think this particular rule should be taken with a pinch of salt but I was recently scolded for doing just that by my mother-in-law!
Top Five Tips to Dine like a Native
When eating, always put your cutlery down after each bite, placing them at the two o’clock space on the plate.
Potatoes should not be cut with a knife but only with a fork and salad greens should be simply folded with a fork and eaten.
Salt and pepper should always be placed together and removed entirely when clearing the table for desserts.
Salt should also never be passed from hand to hand but slid along the table.
The tablecloth should be cleansed of crumbs after the main course, almost starting afresh for the desserts.
Finally, please don’t say Bon Appetit. It actually means “good digestion” and doesn’t sound very elegant. If someone does say it, acknowledge it by saying thank you but please don’t repeat it!
It’s interesting how some traditions carry through down the ages, even in the most egalitarian societies, isn’t it?
About Studio Sidika
Studio Sidika is a full-service interior architecture and design studio led by Sidika Owen d’Hauteville and established in 2015. Sidika has a mixed background being half Turkish and half British, was born in Brazil and brought up in Provence. This diverse heritage has served her well, opening her eyes up to different cultures, architecture, textiles and furnishings from an early age and giving her unique insights into contemporary design. Originally working as an investment banker in the luxury goods sector, her corporate background underpins a rigorous approach when it comes to budgeting, financial planning and project co-ordination. Passionate about sourcing contemporary art and antiques from various artists, galleries and countries, she is driven by an appreciation for the beauty in everyday life. Her studio designs timeless and inspiring spaces that make living easy.
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